Motherhood Should Come With A Warning..

The day Taylor was born was peaceful and calm and fun.  You wouldn't think those would be the words I would choose considering the fact that both of us almost died during his delivery; however, I remember being so excited to meet this little baby that I had carried inside my body for the last nine months and inside my dreams since I was a little girl. He was in distress and was born without a heartbeat, without a pulse, without a cry.  He fought to live, and is the wonderfully tall young future Marine that brightens my life daily.

I remember the moment I was first allowed to hold him, this dream come true.  My heart expanded.  I tell people that and they look at me strangely, and yet, it is true.  My heart grew the moment I first held Taylor.  I understood love.  I knew complete and utter devotion.  I knew that my heart would never again be mine. I was a mother.

Yes, my friends, motherhood should come with a warning... You will never again be you; you will be a mom.

And They Lived Happily Ever After... Oh I Hope So...

I remember when Diana and Charles married. I was young and I sat enthralled by the romance of the entire ceremony.  Little did I know that Charles secretly loved another or that Diana, the beautiful bride, was so insecure that she would develop an eating disorder. They painted such a beautiful picture...

Marriages end; I know that sad fact first hand.  Not every princess gets her happily ever after, but I hope that Kate does. I think this royal couple is completely different from the one we watched marry in that other royal wedding.  I believe William and Kate truly love each other.

The couple is older.  Both are in their late twenties, and have known each other for years.  They know each other; they have seen each other through the seasons.  They are familiar with each other's moods; these two seem to be friends.  He is royalty so today, they played by the rules for the most part.  He didn't look at her as she walked down the aisle, but his little brother did.  William told her she looked beautiful when she reached him. He beamed when he looked at her, and she looked adoringly at him during the ceremony. He kissed her on the balcony for all to see.  The prince blushed and looked embarrassed to have shared such a private moment with the world.  Then, he kissed her again.  The two are in love - plain and simple... Royalty or not, these two are in love and I hope the entire fairy tale come true for them.

I think one of the most telling signs that Kate does not share the heartbreaking insecurities that plagued William's mother, Diana, is the dress... No.  Not Kate's wedding dress, but the dress her sister wore as she walked behind the radiant bride. The world is watching.  Literally, the world is watching the fairy tale play out, and the sister wears a stunning white  fitted dress that shows her amazing figure.  Kate appears to not be bothered by it at all.  Bridesmaid dresses are notoriously ugly and unflattering.  The bride is after all the center of attention, and some brides go the extra mile to make sure this is the case.  Not Kate.  Pippa was gorgeous. Kate wasn't worried.  She knows that she and she alone holds William's heart.  Let the rest of the world check out her sister.

All good fairy tales end with the phrase "and they lived happily ever after". We who have been married know that the important part begins after the guests leave.  Today was the party.  The true fairy tale begins tomorrow; the true test of love is the marriage, not the wedding.  Will he bring her tea when she is sick?  Will he take turns rocking the royal babies that are sure to come? Will he gaze at her adoringly when she burns the pudding?  Will she continue to look at him with love when his family is on her last nerve, when his duties have limited their private time together yet agin?  Oh, I hope so.  I Hope So..  I Hope So... 

It's Not How Many That Matters...

When I entered the chapel today, walking a few steps behind my mom and dad in the traditional family march of mourning following my aunt's casket, I looked around and was saddened by the small number of mourners present.  My aunt had been retired for a number of years; she had been mostly confined to her home the last few years due to health concerns and family issues.  There were not large numbers of people from a church congregation or from work relationships or from volunteer agencies. Most of the people there had came to lend support for one of the family members. My aunt had lived a small, quiet life the last few years of her life; she was going to have a small quiet burial. It seemed so wrong.

My aunt had a miscarriage - twin girls - when my mom was pregnant with me.  She always said that this was why I looked so much like her. I always argued that I did not resemble her.  I wanted to look like my small, elegant mother.  I refused to say that I shared any traits with this loud woman who laughed all the time and pinched my cheeks.  If you thought that older relatives who pinched little children's cheeks were simply figments of a screenwriter's imagination for television, you were wrong - my aunt, Martha, pinched my cheeks over and over when I was little.  She was beautiful too, of course; her beauty came from her laughter and her heart and those startling blue eyes of hers. Now, of course, I want to share those traits. My aunt loved to cook.  She loved sweets especially and when I was younger I loved for her to make banana split cake.  It makes me smile thinking of it now. The cake was delicious. She cried easily and went to pieces as my mom would say whenever there was a stressful situation. In a family where strong women are valued, this is not a great trait.  I cry easily too, but then I get over it.  I like to think Martha did too. I have wonderful memories of her. I wanted the chapel to be overflowing with others who would testify to her wonderfulness.

There was a song, and then the preacher began to speak.  It was a typical funeral message until he started reading things the grandchildren had told him about their grandmother. How she loved to laugh, how she would do anything for anyone, how she was an amazing cook, how you could not come visit without being fed. My eyes overflowed with tears. To these five grandchildren, five great-grandchildren and her two sons who were audibly weeping throughout the service, Martha meant everything.  They knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was a great woman, that their lives had been shaped by the bounty of her love. She didn't need an entire chapel full of people.  The family that she cherished was there. The number of mourners doesn't matter; the amount of love that you share on this earth does. Make sure that the people you love know it!  Call them right now for no other reason than to talk to them.  They'll be gone quicker than you think....

At One Time She Was Elizabeth Taylor Todd...

My father once told me that you only love with all you have once.  After that, you are guarded and refuse to give away all of your trust and affection; you keep a small reserve for yourself and this makes it hard to have a successful relationship after the first Great Love. He said this as he recommended that I find someone to marry for companionship.  Forget about love. Just be content. Not me... I believe in the fairy tale, the happy ending, the white knight.  Life needs romance.

I think Elizabeth Taylor never forgot about love either. Cynics will say that she was a horrible person.  Who marries eight times? Who marries the same man twice?  Simple.  A romantic does. 

Elizabeth Taylor died today at the age of 79 surrounded by her family. I'm saddened by this.  I'm not sure why, but I read books about Elizabeth Taylor the way my sister devours books about the Kennedys.  There's just something about her that resonnates with me.  It's not the films; I do not consider her a world class actress. It's not just her beauty although there is no denying that she was a beautiful, beautiful woman. I think I am drawn to her because she lived life by her rules.  She was loud and bawdy and even a little vulgar, but she loved who she loved without regret. You have to respect that...

Elizabeth Taylor was married eight times to seven husbands.  The first (and only true love if you subscribe to my father's rule) was Conrad "Nicky" Hilton (May 6, 1950 – January 29, 1951). Yes, those Hiltons..  Extremely wealthy.  Elizabeth was an 18 year old starlet.  He was a wealthy man, and the studio and her parents blessed it.  I want to believe this was a misguided mistake of youth. She listened to the wrong people, and had her heartbroken...

Michael Wilding (February 21, 1952 – January 26, 1957) was next and Elizabeth loved him. They had two children together. The books tell conflicting stories about this marriage, but there are children involved so my romantic self wants to say it started as a love story although Elizabeth marries Mike Todd immediately after divorcing Wilder. The whole love aspect is a little suspect...

Michael Todd (February 2, 1957 – March 22, 1958) dies in a fiery plane crash and leaves Elizabeth a young grieving widow. A beautiful, young grieving widow.  During the year they are married, she was technically Elizabeth Taylor Todd which makes me smile everytime I see it.  Mike Todd could have the love that stuck for Elizabeth if he had lived according to everything I have read.  Their personalities matched each other.  There was romance there...

The only excuse I have for the next marriage is that Elizabeth Taylor was stricken over her loss. A little over a year after Mike Todd's death, she married his best friend,  Eddie Fisher (May 12, 1959 – March 6, 1964). This was a huge mistake in my book.  First and foremost, Fisher was part of one of America's favorite couples at teh time.  He was married to Debbie Fisher who was this sweet, beloved actress.  Here comes sultry Elizabeth Taylor and she steals him away.  They stayed together almost five years ~ a long time for Taylor~ but her image is ruined.  She is the other woman, the vixen, the slut... In situations like this, there is a sweet one and whore.  Elizabeth Taylor definitely wasn't the sweet one...  It's hard to justify this marriage even as a romantic...

However, Elizabeth found her match when she married Richard Burton (March 15, 1964 – June 26, 1974) and re-married him...  Richard Burton (October 10, 1975 – July 29, 1976). How do you marry a man when the situation was so bad that it led to divorce?  I don't know... She loved him.  I think that is all you can say...

The next two marriages pale in comparison.  I think by this time she has married so many times that it has became a joke... even the romantics do not believe in the repeated quest for love...  She spent six years married to John Warner (December 4, 1976 – November 7, 1982).  When they divorced, she met
Larry Fortensky (October 6, 1991 – October 31, 1996) in rehab and married him.  He was the only husband to have nothing to do with the entertainment industry.  I wanted it to work.  I wanted him to be the regular guy who resuced the love-starved heroine of my Elizabeth Taylor love story...  Nope.. He was a loser hoping to live the good life for a little while...  Not all fairy heroines live happily ever after.

In the end though, Elizabeth Taylor died surrounded by her children.  As a mom, I know that means that she was surrounded by the true loves of her life.  I hope that when she opened her eyes in eternity, Mike Todd was standing there waiting to welcome Elizabeth Taylor Todd to the true happily ever after.  God be with you, Elizabeth... Thank you for believing in love.