Help Change a Life This Christmas

 We tell little children that on Christmas Eve a benevolent fellow travels the Earth dispensing toys, clothes, a bike or 500, and basically spreading joy. What if I told you that you could help someone local do something very similar for only $1? He may even dress like the Jolly old Elf himself or at least, Buddy the Elf. Want to help Spread Joy this Christmas?

Friday, my friend Jed had lunch at a local eatery and asked his server to play a new version of Rock, Paper, Scissors called Santa, Reindeer, and Elf with him. She did. His group finished their meal and left a nice tip for the server. Normal holiday occurrence. However, the next morning, Jed woke up and felt led to do something more for the server. I have that feeling from time to time. The urge that you are to do something and that if you obey that tug, great things will happen. Pay for the person's food in line behind you. Buy an extra meal. There's even that often shared story of the man who felt led to buy a gallon of milk for no reason and deliver it to a specific address only to find the person praying for milk on the other side of the door. I believe that everyone feels the tug on our hearts from time to time and too many people ignore it which is why the world is not filled with even more miracles daily. God uses us to fulfill prayers all the time and sometimes, people choose to not do what is asked of them. BUT sometimes, they do and it brings about great happiness and wonderful things which is why Today, I am writing about JOY.

Jed listened to the feeling. Let me stop here and explain who Jed is. Jed Dearybury is an educator extraordinaire. He taught elementary school, was named SC Teacher of the Year, met President Obama, became a teacher of teachers through fun, out of the box professional development, wrote a book on creating a Playful Classroom, and presents at the Teach Your Heart Out conferences. He also fights for those students whose voices are not always heard. So, his resume is enough to fill a book. He has former students who consider him family. His house looks like it should be a Christmas advertisement for HGTV. He posts his daily Christmas outfits of the day. Jed is amazing for so many reasons but my favorite reason is that...

Jed sparkles. I once quoted to a co-worker the line from Hope Floats where Sandra Bullock tells her daughter that once upon a time, she knew what it felt like to shine. The co-worker laughed and said you sparkle now which is so much better. I was a little taken aback because sparkle sounds a little gaudy, a little like I am trying to grab attention. Nah, he said. Shine comes from being young and naïve. You don't know any better so you shine. You give life everything you have. People notice you because you are new and impressive and well.. shiny. Then, you get a little dulled, a little dinged, a little knowledgeable about how life works. At that moment, you have a choice. You can remain dull and dim or you can choose to sparkle. Yes, that may mean that sometimes, you glue a little sequins on to hide that ding or paste a smile when you really want to go cry but you can either be a light or you can hide. Life is ugly sometimes. You don't have to be. You can choose to be a light in the dark world. You can choose to sparkle. Jed does even though internet trolls come for him and people threaten his well-being in real life, not just behind a computer screen. He sparkles when his job goes away, when people are unbelievably ugly to him. He has shared that sometimes he has to decide to get out of the bed and slay the dragons that say he is not enough but he does it. He does it with JOY and SPARKLES.

One of my favorite things to do during the holiday season is to watch Jed and his Moma Lynn go Black Friday shopping. They are hilarious. Jed goes live throughout the day and we follow along as they find bargains, get pulled over by the highway patrol, wax poetic about broken ornaments, and basically have the conversations about people out in public that you and your best friend have when no one is listening. It is truly truly truly one of my favorite things to do and this year, I even got a brief cameo. Made my day! Joy! That's also another blog for another day but trust me, next Black Friday, come watch Jed with me. 

Back to Saturday morning... Jed wakes up feeling like he is supposed to help the server in some way. He asks his Facebook friends and Instagram followers to donate $1/each to give the lady a large tip for Christmas. And.... people did. People donated $1, $5, $20 and more. Today, the total raised stands around $4,000. I haven't been able to sleep thinking about the difference the money will make in her life. I don't even know her name but I know that amount of money can change a life. Anyone's life. I have laid in bed thinking of all the practical things it can do - provide rent for a few months or buy a small used car or pay for her to move or just give her options. Then, because I am me.. I think of all the amazingly fun things it could do for her - trips and clothes and new furniture and classes... Oh My Goodness, it could be tuition for her to go back to school or a down payment on a house. Just thinking about it makes me so happy. Watching the number grow has brought me so much JOY!

Here's the thing... I firmly believe she prayed for something very specific and Jed woke up Saturday morning with a tug on his heart. When he said yes to that feeling, Jed became the way the prayer was going to be fulfilled. When I donated, I helped change a life. I am filled with Joy because I know God is working.

You just said....Oh no, she is going to ask me to donate. And you know what??? Yep... I am. I have not been able to get this off my mind. I do not believe the final gift is $4000. I believe it is much higher than that. Now, Jed has 8,000 followers and friends on Social Media. We have donated $4000 so far.. I do not have that many followers because I mainly post about travel and books and school. I am relatively boring... However, I count among my friends World Changers. I pride myself on having friends who give to others, to believe that anything is possible when we come together. So, I am asking you to help Jed (and ME) change a life this Christmas season. Help us spread Joy! It is contagious. 

Jed is accepting donations through his Venmo @MRDEARYBURY, his CashApp $MRDEARYBURY, and PayPal MRDEARYBURY@Hotmail.com. Please give! 

Every $1 helps, but so does every $5 & $10. Thanks everyone!

I Am My Father's Daughter

 Yesterday, I went to the doctor for a follow-up appointment and he said we needed to schedule a test to rule out the possibility of cancer. Cancer is never a word you want your doctor to say in relationship to yourself, but it is especially not a word you want to hear when it is nearing the one year anniversary of your father's death from the same cancer. I nodded to the doctor, scheduled the appointment, walked numbly from the building, climbed into the car where my best friend was waiting, and brushed away a tear as I told her. Then, I was angry. "No! This is not what I inherit from my father."

My parents divorced when I was two years old. They both remarried and had happy, stable marriages that have lasted over 40 years. They were too young, too different, too whatever. Their divorce was ugly and my mom is bitter about it to this day. I don't have memories from when they were married. I was a little kid, a toddler really. I have scattered childhood stories. He preferred my brothers. I can clearly remember him telling me girls did not matter as much since we didn't carry on the family name. When he said that my little spine grew a little straighter, I squared my shoulders, and set my mind to prove I was just as good as any male. Ah.. You see in that moment, I became a little feminist although I didn't know the name or the negative connotations that people associate with the term. I always thought that is what I inherited from my father.

I worked with my father at the textile plant when I first started college. If you wanted to go to college back in the day, your family either needed to have the money to pay for it, you earned the money, or you won a scholarship. I worked 46 hours a week to earn the money, plus I won a scholarship for employees of the plant. I watched my father work harder than everyone else. He arrived early. He stayed late. He joked with all the employees and he helped those in need when he thought no one could see. He stood up for gay rights way before that was popular by simply saying I don't care who the man kisses as long as he does his job. Other people followed his lead. I know he saw color but he never let it stand in his way of befriending people, treating them fairly, or working hard along side them. His actions said everyone is equal and special and unique. I want to think I inherited that from my father. 

My father loved history. He could recall the events of years ago and explain it in detail. He would spin tales and give details and connect today with yesterday. He was my first history teacher and to be honest, my best history teacher because he made it a relevant, interesting story. His biography is available in bookstores. It tells the story of his childhood as a sharecropper in the Keowee River Valley. The stories are heartbreaking at times and at other times, I can hear his laughter as he relates a story. When he died, my brother gave me a copy of the recordings Daddy made for the book. It's him at his storytelling best, explaining his personal place in history. I hope I have inherited the storytelling gene.

My father was a fantastic grandfather to my son. He took him hunting and fishing. He taught him how to set a trot line and how to keep bees. He taught him about treating people right and always being true to your word. I raised a fine man. I have always said I inherited that from my daddy.

Our relationship was difficult. There were long stretches when we did not speak. I was hurt about things. He was hurt about things. We are both incredibly stubborn people but whenever he called, it was like we had just spoken the day before. When I called, he always joked and greeted me warmly. If I could change anything, it would be to take back the times when we did not speak. Stubborn pride is not something I want to inherit.

At the end, my father began to suffer strokes. He went to the hospital time and time again until his cancer was discovered. At one point, Daddy was in the hospital and my mom was in another hospital across town with a broken hip. I emailed my principal and asked if I could leave during my planning period to go visit one so that I would have time to also go visit the other. Rather than send the response of yes that I was expecting, he showed up at my door during one of my classes with a sub. He told me to Go Home. "No", I responded. "I need to teach this class first and then, I will leave". He repeated that he wanted me to go ahead and leave. I shook my head and began to cry. I can still see myself  bend over and try to gain control of my emotions. Then, I straightened my spine and squared my shoulders. I told my boss that my father was going to die soon and I have not proven I am enough yet. He looked at me like I was crazy and said "Dear Lord, if YOU have not done enough, then no one can." This was probably one of the rawest exchanges I have ever had with my principal or anyone else. You aren't supposed to say the things you fear the most out loud. I would say it again on the beach to my best friends and to a therapist right before my father died. What do you need him to say? they all asked. Honestly, I don't know the answer. I felt small and inconsequential and needy. I wanted to feel like I was Daddy's little princess or his pride and joy or that he thought I was amazing. I still don't know what I needed him to say. On some level, I was all of those things. He told me he loved me multiple times in the days before he died. He told me he was so proud of me. He lauded my accomplishments. I know he meant what he was saying but at the same time, he knew death was near.  The little girl inside me squared her shoulders and straightened her back and vowed to be a little more. This fear of never being enough is what I am afraid I inherited from my father. 

So, if you see me panicked about messing up or loading way too many things onto my plate or crying when I cannot do everything always, just know I am trying to live up to man who did it all with ease. Colon cancer cannot be what I inherited from my father. There are way too many other things that are amazing about his life for me to inherit that one.

Hug your family tight. Eat the turkey. Tell the stories. Show the kids you love them. Make them want to be just like you. I inherited that from my Daddy.

Finding the Good

 Last week was full of wonderful things. I read a great book. I worked the election with great friends and sang off-key karaoke in a Waffle House afterward out of exhaustion. I had a wonderful manicure, I ate good food, and I played cards with friends and laughed a lot. I rounded out the week by helping with a Christmas project to benefit deployed military. It was truly a great week. Finding the positive was really easy last week.

Then, late Sunday night, my son called. He was obviously upset and my mom heart dropped. His brother had been killed in a senseless act of violence. My son and Hunter shared a dad. Taylor was 7 years old when Hunter was born and though they lived in separate houses, they grew up together. They shared stories, memories, and when you saw them standing together, it was obvious they were brothers. Although it was late, Taylor started the 6 hour drive home to be with his dad and extended family. My heart broke for Hunter's mom, dad, brothers, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and friends. This was going to be a truly horrible week.

The week got worse. My mom called Tuesday morning, sobbing and yelling into the phone. She had fallen in the yard and could not get up. I hustled my students to a nearby teacher's classroom and rushed to her house. Her hip was broken and an ambulance rushed her to the ER.

A hospital stay and surgery during the time of Covid. A funeral for a 20 year old with a big smile. How can there be anything positive in this horrible week of pain? There was. There always is.

Like most 20 year olds, Hunter did not have life insurance. However, in less than a week, friends, family, and complete strangers donated over $11,000 to pay for his funeral expenses. That is a huge blessing to this family. There is enough pain without having the added stress of trying to figure out how they will cover funeral expenses. If you gave, THANK YOU! If you didn't, it's okay. Please pray for the family. The funeral was not the end of their pain. The donations are a huge positive.

Yesterday, despite Covid, the church was packed. Mourners sat every other row. Many wore blue flannel to honor Hunter. The salvation message was preached and many present raised their hands when the preacher asked for those who had prayed the sinner's prayer of salvation to raise their hands. HUGE positive!

Hunter's mom sobbed through the service. My hearts broke for her and still does. During the service, his dad got up and walked across the sanctuary to where she sat to comfort her. Theirs was not a gentle parting of ways. Both are angry. Both are hurt. When he walked to her, he was showing that love overcomes all the hate. He was comforting the mother of his children. I was proud of him. Positive!

Will has had challenges over the last few years. I have avoided him. It is hard to see the man you loved not be who he should be. But this week, I saw the guy I knew long ago. He was there standing strong, mourning but standing strong. Positive!

I sat with a pew of Marines during the funeral. All decked out in their dress blues. They were there to show Taylor support. One and his wife had cooked Taylor dinner the night before. Two had spent hours in the garage letting Taylor vent and cry and vent some more late into the night. They exemplified that the military is a brotherhood. They have each other's backs always. Positive!

When I called my principal to tell him that my mom had fallen and that I needed to get to my mom. He didn't scold me for not putting students first or tell me I needed to complete paperwork. He asked what the address was. He was heading to help me help my mom. I LOVE that! I don't think I will ever be able to explain what that meant in that moment, but I was overwhelmed. His first thought was to come help. POSITIVE!

My mom's hip replacement surgery went well.  She was surrounded by prayers. Co-workers and friends reached out daily to ask what they could do to help us. Positive.

Don't get me wrong. It's been a horrible, terrible, gut wrenching week.  However, I just wanted to say that in all the pain and stress of everything, positive things happened. I believe life is normally like that. There are pockets of joy and love and hope mixed in with the bad. We just have to take a moment to appreciate that they are there. Those pockets are what makes it possible to survive all the rest.

Please overlook the rambling and lack of wit in this post. It's been a week. Thanks for being part of the good in my life and the world.

Is It Time to Travel Yet?

I went to deliver my Mother's Day gift to my mom yesterday since we cannot sit in church together or go out to eat to celebrate. When I started to leave, she asked if I wanted to take some ice cream with me. You need to know that my mom rarely send anyone away from her house empty-handed. She always gives you something she has bought especially for you or she finds something she thinks you may like. My niece, Cricket drew a picture of her once for a school project with the little word bubble saying "here take this and go home", Anyway, the offering of the night was ice cream. She had purchased it at Publix and according to the hype, it is supposed to be the best ice cream anywhere. My mom shrugged and said she had never heard of the company but they make cheese too. I laughed. Tillamook? It's in Oregon. I have been there on a random excursion during a trip with students. I started to explain how you could tour the factory and sample all the different types of cheese they make. My mom just waved me away. Do you want the ice cream? No, Mom. I was just going to tell you about Oregon and how beautiful it is. The trees are so green and the air is amazing. You have an entire yard of huge trees behind your house, she said. Conversation over. My mom loves to be at home. She cleans house like there is a prize attached. Me? I want adventure. I want to see the things I have read about. I want to explore new places. I want to have stories to tell, even if it is about a random tour of a dairy factory. Oh my goodness, I love to travel.

I have had the good fortune to visit 45 states and the District of Columbia during my lifetime. I have visited historic landmarks, Presidential libraries, and completely random places. I have laughed so hard I could not breathe crossing the Mississippi River and sobbed big tears looking at the destruction of a daycare center in OKC. I have sang random songs and laughed as a friend made up new lyrics to Disney Classics. I have  traveled for work, for conferences, for mission trips, and to celebrate special occasions. I have traveled solo, with a friend, and with groups of friends or colleagues. Oh my goodness, I love to travel.

People like to ask where my favorite place to visit has been and I honestly never know how to answer that question. I flew to NYC with Taylor when he was 5 years old to visit the "real Santa" at Macy's. We ice skated in Rockefeller Center and at that moment, I thought it was the absolute best thing I had ever done. However, standing with Taylor at the site of the gunfight at the OK Corral in Tombstone, AZ when he was an adult was also pretty amazing. He had goosebumps and it was obvious that he could see the details of the shootout. He was reliving history. I also thought that was the best thing I had ever done. Standing on the edge looking at the majesty of the Grand Canyon and thinking how it doesn't even look real... Yep... This is the best thing I have ever done. Driving through Montana and just being mesmerized at how absolutely beautiful it is. Same thought. Snorkeling in Hawaii at a Bay I wont even attempt to spell. Best thing I have ever done. I could literally keep going because the coast of Maine is breathtaking, the houses in Newport, RI are surreal, Texas... all of Texas... is amazing, Seeing Mount Rushmore appear from a fog bank and later seeing the fog roll in (FTR, fog rolls in.. like it literally rolls in)... Oh my goodness, I LOVE to travel.

Random adventures are my favorite memories though. Some friends and I explored Santa Claus, IN and wrote letters to Santa. He wrote back with personalized messages. G and I added twine to the world's largest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, KS and then, laughed for hours as we drove through the Kansas plains trying to get back to civilization. (FTR, you have to email to be able to add twine - make arrangements). Another group of friends and I watched the bats emerge at twilight in Austin, TX. (This is actually much cooler than it sounds). Taylor and I met Aaron Kaufman when we stopped to visit Gas Monkey Garage in Dallas. He was getting coffee and told Taylor a story about how his dog had just gotten sprayed by a skunk. Tracee and I watched fortune cookies being made in San Francisco and had the coolest Uber drivers around. Brandi and I attempted to paint a house in Louisiana in 100+ weather where the paint dried as fast as we could do a swipe. We laughed as we tried to convince ourselves that it was not as hot as it felt. Oh my goodness, I love to travel.

School is winding down. Summer is almost here. My summer travels are looking iffy. My trip to Tampa for the AP Reading is cancelled. I will sit at my computer screen instead. My planned trip to NYC is doubtful. NYC is locked down tightly and even though I am adventurous, I am not sure about wandering around the epicenter of the pandemic. Other trips have been suggested and then, there's the pandemic. Can we travel? Will the country open? Is it safe? Is adventure worth our health? I have smiled at this entire blog post until the last part... I hate the unknowing of all of this. I am like the rest of the nation in this, I know. I want the pandemic behind us. I want life back to normal. And what I really want is an answer to my question... Is it time to travel yet????

Shadows and Shade

A friend of mine and I were having a discussion the other night on Instagram Live. (Oh, the things we do now that we are in quarantine...). He had taken part in a webinar where they had discussed the shadows of Leadership. In our Instagram discussion, this quickly diverged into a discussion of Peter Pan trying to put his shadow back on with soap in the Disney classic. Why soap? Our friends who had tuned in gave several theories - the Lost Boys did not have moms so they had never been required to bathe so they didn't know what soap was, the Lost Boys were actually dead thus, they did not have shadows, and the scientific makeup of soap back in the day made it sticky so it could replace glue... Who Knew?  However, it has been two days and I am still thinking about the shadows of leaders.  

If leaders stand in front of the light, they can cast a shadow keeping the ones serving under them in relative darkness OR they can stand in front of the light and create shade for their people. Do your people need the heat from the sun or protection from the heat is an important question to ask in these situations? Is a shadow different from shade OR is it all a matter of perspective?

A shadow is defined as a dark area or shape produced by a body coming between rays of light and a surface.  We think our shadow is the reflection of who we are but it really depends on the rays of light. I have stopped several times in the writing of that sentence to just ponder on the words. Our shadow is a reflection of who we are.  We think that. My shadow  is showing you ME, but not really. It is showing you who I am when I am shined upon. The closer I am to the Light, the longer my shadow. Stopped again... Man, read that statement. The closer I am to the Light, the longer my shadow. Wow... This is not the blog I sat down to write, but if we want to reach people, if we want to change lives, we need to get closer to the Light, closer to the Son. Wow.. wow... wow.

Going to pray now and spend some time in the Son... I will write about leadership later.