Monday, June 4, 2012

The Things Left Unsaid...

I read somewhere once that people begin affairs because the new person hasn't heard your stories yet. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! One of the great parts of sharing your life with someone is the shorthand language that develops over time based on shared experiences, common adventures, simple day-to-day life. There is a specialness that comes with the silly inside information you know about the ones who share your life and allows you to tell an entire joke with a simple smile to one another or a singular word, to exclaim loudly your fear that your parent is slipping by the length of a hug when you leave a family gathering, to express severe hurt by not folding your partner's clothes when you fold your own.  It's the things you do not have to say that really matters.

Of course, you don't have to be married to share this bond.  Families have it; long-term roommates develop it. Life-long friends are lucky enough to share it too.  The things left unsaid are some of the reasons I miss Taylor so desperately.  For most of his life, it was just us.  He is my best friend. He knows that I am prone to come home and put on my pjs regardless of the fact that it is not yet 5 pm.  He knows I do not want to leave the house after it is dark outside and that I will watch America's Next Top Model whenever it is on television regardless of how many times I have seen the episode. I know how aggrevated he gets about certain situations, how thrilled he is when certain things go right, and just how picky he is about his clothes. I miss the laughter for no reason.  I miss him saying the right punch lines to the nonsensical jokes that were our own language. I miss him being here to say the right thing without me having to explain the whole situation... I want to be able to use shorthand.

I didn't get invited to an event that I love attending every year.  I cannot enumerate the reasons why I love attending without it sounding like I am silly and needy and just plain weird. I do not want to explain the background of the event and all that it entails.  I just want to be able to come home, say that I didn't get invited, and be instantly and totally understood.  Taylor would have said "Aw, Mom.  I'm so sorry.  I know how much that means to you."  And he wouldn't have to say anything else... but maybe we could go get ice cream later...

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